It’s Been a Long Year

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Three years ago, today, I lost my mom. Almost. I still forget the exact day, or even what year it was. In fact as of this writing, I had to search for the day.

Though I may not remember what day it was. I do remember what I experienced. The memory burned in my mind, my heart still saturated with pain, sickness, and panic. It was today. April 20th 2017. I wrote the following poem the next year, but it barely touches the surface of what I lived through that night.

I originally shared it on my personal blog.

It’s been a long long year
Since that night was so clear
The night you almost left
I nearly felt bereft

Began a quiet night
Soon filled with flashing lights
Walked off the elevator
And saw blue indicators

A scene appeared to me
I felt an urge to flee
I continued anxiously
Filled with anxiety

Commotion filled the scene
Nothing I’d ever seen
Doctors and nurses run
I’m in a dream… quite numb

My worst fear now in play
I always thought you’d stay
Informed your heart has stopped
My heart with haste soon dropped

“Dear mom, please stay with me”
I pleaded desperately
I was the spectator
A night so much a blur

Events and details lost
But feelings I feel oft
That night still stings in me
For an eternity

Dear mom, I’m glad you stayed
As we all hoped and prayed
I love you with all of me
I know He so decrees

Please stay with me awhile
I need your love and smile
It’s been a long long year
I’m thankful you’re still here